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Wednesday 28 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my first date in years cancelled on me because she has to "wash the horse's hair." The date was arranged for 9:30pm. FML

#20857695
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40611) - you deserved it (3317)

On 08/28/2013 at 9:25am - misc - by AtLeastHaveADecientExcuse -

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

#20855520
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39855) - you deserved it (3314)

On 08/26/2013 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

#20858175
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44429) - you deserved it (3303)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by notsolucky - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

#20860571
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39889) - you deserved it (3303)

On 08/30/2013 at 5:05pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

#20860284
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47602) - you deserved it (3126)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML

#20863339
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39632) - you deserved it (3097)

On 09/01/2013 at 4:04pm - misc - by no no no no no no no no no no no fuck no (woman) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML

#20861348
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48061) - you deserved it (3037)

On 08/31/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Redbridge)

Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML

#20858152
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42132) - you deserved it (3005)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was grounded by my dad for "popping pills like a gangbanger". I take prescription ADHD medicine and a multi-vitamin. FML

#20863675
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41023) - you deserved it (2987)

On 09/01/2013 at 9:15pm - love - by zephyrgk - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML

#20866213
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49503) - you deserved it (2984)

On 09/03/2013 at 3:50pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my first class of the year. The first thing the teacher said was, "I hate this f*cking school." FML

#20867651
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37652) - you deserved it (2979)

On 09/04/2013 at 4:39pm - misc - by swana99 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was yelled at once again for being in the school gym without a coach present. I am the coach. FML

Today, I was fired when a customer called corporate, saying I was unprofessional and rude. The "customer" in question was my little sister, who I would not let buy beer with a fake ID. FML



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