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Wednesday 28 August 2013

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Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

by Thanks everyone / 08/28/2013 at 6:35pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I took my driver's test. The woman administering it wouldn't even look at me, so trying to be friendly I said the first thing I could think of: "It must be scary getting in the car with someone you don't know!" She failed me for "excessive chatting." FML

by UGGGH that was my 2nd attempt too / 09/04/2013 at 5:14pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

by poolgirl789 / 09/03/2013 at 2:30am / United Kingdom (Bradford) / Intimacy

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2013 at 4:17pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

by Parenting... / 08/27/2013 at 12:36am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

by oD_Ronan / 08/29/2013 at 3:39am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told that the $500 I'm owed for babysitting isn't going to happen. Why? Because after six months of watching a friend's six children, she's moved 120 miles away and no longer needs me. FML

by bexes / 08/27/2013 at 6:29am / United States (Texas) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally received the bicycle I ordered months ago. It was an expensive custom-made bike which perfectly fit my 6'9" frame. Today, that bike got stolen. FML

by tallguy / 08/29/2013 at 9:40am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister announced that she and her boyfriend are getting married. Her boyfriend is my husband. We're not even legally divorced yet. FML

by still together / 08/28/2013 at 1:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML

by Palindromesque / 09/04/2013 at 5:07am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML

by nevercatchabreak / 08/31/2013 at 4:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

by embarrassedmom / 08/31/2013 at 7:48pm / United States / Kids

Today, I got my period 2 days early, while being interviewed for my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. FML

by faulty plumbimg! / 08/31/2013 at 8:14am / India / Health