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Wednesday 28 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend got offered a job at Abercrombie. The first thing he asked was "they only hire hot people, right?!" Now he won't stop telling me how lucky I am to be with such a hot guy. FML

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

#20860701
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45457) - you deserved it (5733)

On 08/30/2013 at 6:56pm - love - by >_< (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought a cat. Somehow that cat is now stuck inside my antique piano. I have to break the piano to get her out. FML

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

#20855061
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42099) - you deserved it (5574)

On 08/26/2013 at 12:45pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was telling my brother about how my new colleagues and I don't share a sense of humour. He replied, "What, you mean they don't pretend to laugh at your jokes like everybody else?" FML

#20864858
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34128) - you deserved it (5571)

On 09/02/2013 at 5:40pm - work - by laughing-stock - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

#20862659
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41796) - you deserved it (5147)

On 09/01/2013 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

#20864621
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43840) - you deserved it (4978)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my neighbor's daughter started learning how to play the trombone. FML

#20857611
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41681) - you deserved it (4913)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:33am - kids - by Alice (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

#20855163
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48355) - you deserved it (4847)

On 08/26/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by Miami6and3 - United States (California)

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

#20856558
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53488) - you deserved it (4813)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

#20865525
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42487) - you deserved it (4708)

On 09/03/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got my wedding photos back from my sister, a "professional" photographer who offered to do our wedding as a gift. It turns out that not only did she not catch most of the ceremony or reception, but all of the outdoor photos feature a large garbage bag in the background. FML

Today, during one of my first days as a teacher, a student stole my phone. FML

#20855620
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40749) - you deserved it (4593)

On 08/26/2013 at 8:22pm - work - by gunnerdog (woman) - United States (Texas)



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