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Wednesday 28 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

#20864109
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55105) - you deserved it (7007)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:49am - intimacy - by Kiddo (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

#20867471
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41405) - you deserved it (6931)

On 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42033) - you deserved it (6835)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

#20856967
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46881) - you deserved it (6800)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:23pm - love - by dhskkf (man) - United States

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

#20866691
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37161) - you deserved it (6683)

On 09/03/2013 at 9:32pm - misc - by JustAnotherFML23 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML

#20860751
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41312) - you deserved it (6604)

On 08/30/2013 at 7:37pm - misc - by no life to fuck :/ (man) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML

#20864381
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63730) - you deserved it (6503)

On 09/02/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by yourfault (woman) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, I found out that my obese son, who is on a health-mandated diet and exercise plan, gorges on junk food whenever he has the chance. His logic? "It won't make you fatter if you crap it out." FML

#20863945
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43064) - you deserved it (6500)

On 09/02/2013 at 12:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

#20862305
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59759) - you deserved it (6438)

On 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by SplishSplash (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend tried to get me to wear curly wig, so I could pretend to be Harry Styles in bed. FML

#20863117
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49572) - you deserved it (6310)

On 09/01/2013 at 12:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

#20859311
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55852) - you deserved it (6252)

On 08/29/2013 at 2:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

#20860701
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47831) - you deserved it (6040)

On 08/30/2013 at 6:56pm - love - by >_< (man) - United States (Texas)



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