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Wednesday 21 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

#20848790
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55902) - you deserved it (3531)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene and told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by "someone who doesn't have a thigh gap." FML

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

#20857349
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46995) - you deserved it (3482)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:06am - work - by DefinitelyNotDogshit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I were discussing sports injuries, and I mentioned that I pulled a muscle in my crotch last year. He snorted and called me a clueless idiot because according to him, "girls don't have crotches". He's a med student. I sense malpractice lawsuits in our future. FML

#20850902
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43788) - you deserved it (3447)

On 08/23/2013 at 2:21pm - misc - by fucking financial ruin (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I attended my first day of school 4 days after reconstructive surgery. But no worries: I'm sure my alien-like appearance and 2 hours of Darth Vader style breathing in an otherwise silent test room will make me lots of friends. FML

Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML

#20854169
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39590) - you deserved it (3426)

On 08/25/2013 at 8:10pm - misc - by etgohome (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I spent half-an-hour listening to my therapist telling me enthusiastically how people used to communicate telepathically before verbal languages were invented. FML

#20847442
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37758) - you deserved it (3411)

On 08/21/2013 at 3:18am - misc - by verydepressed - Russian Federation (Tomsk)

Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML

#20852114
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46913) - you deserved it (3381)

On 08/24/2013 at 10:55am - misc - by cassidy_smith12 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my computer stopped connecting to the corporate network. I know what the problem is, but our tech support is so clueless that the only thing they do is utter the dreaded words, "Did you try turning it off and back on?" Meanwhile my boss is yelling at me for not getting any work done. FML

#20849629
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39222) - you deserved it (3348)

On 08/22/2013 at 5:33pm - work - by lord kuntface (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

Today, a customer wanted a military discount for buying two 39 cent Slim Jims. I work at an auto parts store. FML

#20854690
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34882) - you deserved it (3305)

On 08/26/2013 at 1:51am - work - by luvmypony (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got to watch how easy it is to break into my flat, after I locked myself out and went to my neighbour for help. He used a blunt pencil. FML



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