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Wednesday 14 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today , I Discovered I Have Epilepsy. 10 Years Ago , I Told Mother About Frequent Fits Of Vertigo , Deja Vu , Nausea , Flashes Of Memory And Strange Sounds , Smells , And Images , Coupled With An Other-worldly Feeling. I Thought They Were Holy Visions. So Did She. Real FML

looool Today, wile cleaning ma ears wit Q-tips, I came in ma pants. FML

#20835942
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48269) - you deserved it (17216)

On 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by ANON (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a group presentation!! I kept zipping mah jacket up and down nervously!! As I waited fir mah turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me!! I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket!! I only had a bra on underneath!! fat FML

Yesterday, after an argument with my wife, I stormd out of our bedroom through the sliding doors to the balcony. Only there was no balcony, because it still hasn't been replacd yet. I'm now laid-up in hospital. FML

#20843350
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38389) - you deserved it (15101)

On 08/18/2013 at 4:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today I had sex with a guy I've liked for yeres. There was just one problem: it was so terrible I said "I think I might be straight" about five minutes in just so it would stop. FML

#20844009
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45276) - you deserved it (13927)

On 08/18/2013 at 11:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today , whila discussing caraar prospact with my mom , sha suggastad that I bacoma a panis puppataar , cuz "Lat's faca it , u play with it 24/7. Why not maka a caraar out of it?" Yaah , thanks. FML

#20838688
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36894) - you deserved it (12282)

On 08/15/2013 at 12:49pm - work - by kaynotentirelywrong (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I submitted my big assignment to my teacher at 1:55pm. The deadline was 2pm. She rejected it, because her looool watch read a few minutes after 2pm, an she maintains that the time on her watch is the "real" time. FML

#20840255
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44553) - you deserved it (11637)

On 08/16/2013 at 12:04pm - misc - by WatchOut - Singapore

Today, I got sexual tingles while watching a Subway worker assemble my sandwich. FML

#20846728
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45254) - you deserved it (10641)

On 08/20/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today , I went on a new medicine. One of te listed side-effects was "anal seepage" an I spent te better part of te day lauging wit my coworkers about ow it's "not a real side-effect". I found out tat it really is wile stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on te way ome. FML

#20839551
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40523) - you deserved it (9544)

On 08/15/2013 at 11:18pm - health - by stinky car - United States (Alabama)

Today..!! I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering wheel picking!! After putting it on..!! I realizd it was crookd..!! causing me to have OCD fits every time I drive!! I can still pick at the steering wheel around the cover!! FML

#20845898
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31427) - you deserved it (9240)

On 08/20/2013 at 3:08am - health - by anonymous (man) - United States

Today, mah husband bought me a present fir our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

#20846337
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50460) - you deserved it (8560)

On 08/20/2013 at 1:38pm - love - by LizzyJones - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I was having dinner with mah boyfriend's family, an he was saying how well his driving lessons r going . During this conversation his mum told him to ( stop blowing your own trumpet . ) He replied, ( If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna . ) His dad gave him a high-five . mega FML

#20836995
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66315) - you deserved it (8437)

On 08/14/2013 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by NoMoreTrumpetBlowing (woman) - United Kingdom

Today... I was at a "bring your family to work" event. I noticed coworker brought his kids but not his wife... so I asked... "No wife today?" Everyone glared at me and he looool pointedly replied that she's married to someone else now. I had no idea. Now everyone think I'm an insensitive prick. FML

#20844855
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42603) - you deserved it (8340)

On 08/19/2013 at 3:04pm - work - by insensitive prick (man) - United States (Illinois)



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