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Tuesday 23 July 2013

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Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

by mishyb / 07/28/2013 at 12:28am / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2013 at 3:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was crying at my desk at work. My colleague tried to cheer me up by saying: "Don't worry, I'm sure you will find a new job soon". I didn't even know I was fired. I was crying because my cat died this morning. FML

by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 10:31am / Sweden (Dalarnas Lan) / Work

Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

by dareyale / 07/26/2013 at 2:10am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why we've had to replace 3 washing machines this year. My sister thinks that "huge capacity" means "load the washing machine until no more clothes will fit." It blows the motor every time. She's 31. FML

by kilamo80 / 07/27/2013 at 5:26am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy on the bus was nice enough to slide over so I could sit down. Right after, he said, "Fair warning though, I just farted there." FML

Today, my eldest daughter has 'officially' removed herself from our family and will no longer communicate with any of us. Apparently it's my fault that her younger sister is having a baby before her, and she can't be part of a family that 'treats her so unfairly'. FML

by JealousBratMuch / 07/25/2013 at 8:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered "Fuck it" and left. FML

by Anonycunt / 07/27/2013 at 12:30pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Love

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

by chumpslolo / 07/25/2013 at 6:55am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, a drunk dude walked up to me and said, "You're ugly as fuck." His sober friend quickly apologized and explained that he was wasted, before looking me up and down and adding "Well, not completely, I guess." FML

by GeeThanks / 07/24/2013 at 10:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

by the un-loved child / 07/28/2013 at 6:34pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML

by Odnel / 07/27/2013 at 12:47am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called an airline to try to locate a bag I left on a flight. When I told the phone rep which airport I flew into, he asked me what city it was in. He paused after I told him, then asked me what state Seattle is in. I don't think I'll be getting my bag back. FML

by 1942ford / 07/22/2013 at 10:18pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous