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Tuesday 23 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

#20810724
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58693) - you deserved it (9125)

On 07/29/2013 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by JustSomeGuy - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

#20808604
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60460) - you deserved it (8978)

On 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

#20803453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44580) - you deserved it (8834)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

#20807595
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61359) - you deserved it (8764)

On 07/28/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by microlovin (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter's biggest aspiration is to create a time machine for the sole purpose of going to the '70s to see the Ramones in concert. FML

#20810453
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33236) - you deserved it (8618)

On 07/29/2013 at 9:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while I was eating cereal, my mother thought it would be appropriate to grab the bowl and start spoon-feeding me while making airplane noises, again. I'm 19. FML

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

#20799228
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61550) - you deserved it (8021)

On 07/23/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by GiantsFan13 - United States (Colorado)

Today, after a church service, a man approached me as I was walking to my car. He had tears in his eyes and politely asked if I would pray with him. He asked if we could hold hands. As I reached out to hold his hands, the bitch snatched my purse and ran. FML

#20797008
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45379) - you deserved it (7929)

On 07/22/2013 at 3:09am - misc - by HillaryAngelic (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

#20806393
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44785) - you deserved it (7905)

On 07/27/2013 at 1:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

#20801861
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42398) - you deserved it (7606)

On 07/24/2013 at 9:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

#20809215
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51389) - you deserved it (7576)

On 07/29/2013 at 2:35am - love - by confusedmofo - Indonesia

Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML

#20802373
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45824) - you deserved it (7479)

On 07/25/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I called to confirm the appointment that I made over six months ago at the tattoo studio. Turns out my particular artist "doesn't work Tuesdays" and that they also miraculously have no record of my appointment, nor the cash deposit I had to put down. FML



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