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Sunday 21 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

#20792660
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46222) - you deserved it (15068)

On 07/19/2013 at 4:36pm - health - by "people these days" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML

#20801510
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41347) - you deserved it (15066)

On 07/24/2013 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend and I attempted some bondage for the first time. Within seconds of the handcuffs being put on, I went into a serious panic attack. I was playing the dominant; my girlfriend was the one in cuffs. FML

#20806809
118 comments

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

#20786059
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47620) - you deserved it (14221)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:12am - misc - by TNDriver (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend began to stroke my nose. "You can pick your girlfriend, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose," I said playfully. In response, he shouted "Yes, I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril. FML

#20789918
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39270) - you deserved it (13769)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:41am - misc - by booger (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

#20798091
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43701) - you deserved it (13333)

On 07/22/2013 at 6:30pm - love - by RonnieG (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

#20798640
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59955) - you deserved it (12918)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:04am - intimacy - by suckstosuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

#20790784
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41045) - you deserved it (11276)

On 07/18/2013 at 4:53pm - health - by broken finger (man) - United States

Today, I was removing large shrubs from a house. I heard my co-worker yell something, but I couldn't hear him, so I just pulled the stump out anyway. What I realized too late was that he was telling me that there was a swarm of bees living behind the stump. FML

#20794428
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41105) - you deserved it (11270)

On 07/20/2013 at 5:44pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend got angry because I laughed when he asked me if he should retire from being a Pokemon Trainer. He was serious. He's also 21. FML

#20798065
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40322) - you deserved it (11192)

On 07/22/2013 at 6:14pm - love - by ihatepokemon (woman) - United States

Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML

#20793573
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42861) - you deserved it (10316)

On 07/20/2013 at 1:53am - misc - by imawesomeokay (woman) - Mexico (Jalisco)

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59347) - you deserved it (9761)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

#20797671
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43543) - you deserved it (9728)

On 07/22/2013 at 2:29pm - work - by FUCK (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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