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Tuesday 16 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML

#20788038
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45968) - you deserved it (3852)

On 07/17/2013 at 7:56am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

#20792281
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41355) - you deserved it (3831)

On 07/19/2013 at 12:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML

#20790691
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46712) - you deserved it (3809)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:53pm - work - by no new apartment for me (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while filling out paperwork at the dermatologist, it asked what color I would use to describe my skin tone. When the nurse saw I chose fair, she mumbled "Ghost is more like it." I have a severe sun allergy. FML

#20795568
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46407) - you deserved it (3806)

On 07/21/2013 at 11:03am - misc - by Ghostly (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML

#20796495
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48722) - you deserved it (3772)

On 07/21/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by sabrinatarmine_ - United States (California)

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

#20792517
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55867) - you deserved it (3712)

On 07/19/2013 at 3:06pm - kids - by getmeoutofthiscountry (man) - United States

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

#20792358
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50327) - you deserved it (3703)

On 07/19/2013 at 1:34pm - love - by cheated (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

#20784658
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42604) - you deserved it (3699)

On 07/15/2013 at 5:14pm - work - by lame-o-prof (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out why my girlfriend has lost interest in our relationship. She's found out she likes drinking. A lot. FML

#20783573
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41903) - you deserved it (3687)

On 07/15/2013 at 2:15am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got fired from my job as a seafood manager because an entire wedding group came in and started yelling at me, saying the shrimp was horrible and I ruined their wedding. They showed me the leftovers; they never cooked them. They fed raw shrimp at a wedding dinner party. FML

#20796202
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50552) - you deserved it (3607)

On 07/21/2013 at 7:20pm - work - by Gross (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

#20785828
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51845) - you deserved it (3558)

On 07/16/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

#20794407
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45825) - you deserved it (3549)

On 07/20/2013 at 5:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told the guy I liked about my crush on him. He said he would keep me in mind if he ever hits rock bottom. FML

#20786950
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47624) - you deserved it (3538)

On 07/16/2013 at 7:41pm - love - by hannahisacooler (woman) - United States (California)



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