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Tuesday 16 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML

#20795779
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41228) - you deserved it (5708)

On 07/21/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by what have i done with my life (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while texting my boyfriend, I noticed that he copies and pastes old messages so he doesn't have to write new ones. FML

Today, I got a call from the police. Apparently my son tried robbing a teenage couple, but wound up getting his ass beat by both of them. I don't know what's worse, that my 32-year-old son is a criminal, or that he got it handed to him by 15-year-olds. FML

#20797971
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45142) - you deserved it (5337)

On 07/22/2013 at 5:06pm - kids - by Parentalfailure (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

#20788678
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47249) - you deserved it (5127)

On 07/17/2013 at 4:13pm - love - by fuck family (woman) - Poland (Dolnoslaskie)

Today, I went to the grocery store with my husband, only to find that his ex-wife worked there. Then I found out he never actually divorced her. FML

#20786957
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62521) - you deserved it (4917)

On 07/16/2013 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by me:( - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML

#20794280
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58311) - you deserved it (4904)

On 07/20/2013 at 3:37pm - money - by Nick (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML

#20783934
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45156) - you deserved it (4717)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:41am - misc - by sammy77sam (man) - Saint Kitts and Nevis (Saint George Basseterre)

Today, after our grandmother's memorial service, my 9-year-old sister took it upon herself to solemnly inform the priest in front of everyone in attendance that, "You lied. Jesus isn't here." FML

Today, my 11-year-old daughter heard the quote, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." She decided to test this out by letting our new puppy out of the front door. FML

#20784969
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52892) - you deserved it (4620)

On 07/15/2013 at 8:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

#20792695
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55039) - you deserved it (4594)

On 07/19/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I woke up with a half-shaved head, thanks to the friends I let crash at my place last night. I have work in an hour and a half, and they hid my hair clippers. FML

#20793566
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38397) - you deserved it (4524)

On 07/20/2013 at 1:47am - work - by Eisenhorn (man) - United States

Today, my husband removed the TV from our bedroom to improve our sex life. Still no sex because he watches TV on his iPhone. FML

#20799897
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51777) - you deserved it (4510)

On 07/23/2013 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by oddgrrl99 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML

#20784225
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49014) - you deserved it (4424)

On 07/15/2013 at 1:25pm - misc - by helpme - Canada (Ontario)



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