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Sunday 14 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

#20770807
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42964) - you deserved it (6467)

On 07/08/2013 at 4:00pm - animals - by richardmrcs (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54965) - you deserved it (6362)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

#20777975
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53613) - you deserved it (6262)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:40pm - misc - by Suomynona (man) - Germany (Hamburg)

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

#20787970
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44908) - you deserved it (6238)

On 07/17/2013 at 6:06am - love - by sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML

#20790160
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48629) - you deserved it (6229)

On 07/18/2013 at 9:53am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

#20777956
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47171) - you deserved it (6134)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

#20790603
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57050) - you deserved it (6074)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

#20776199
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56242) - you deserved it (5982)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by fucked up dad (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

#20772031
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42981) - you deserved it (5775)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by traveling -

Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML

#20795779
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39869) - you deserved it (5550)

On 07/21/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by what have i done with my life (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

#20777932
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43398) - you deserved it (5479)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by O_O (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my driving instructor failed me on my test, because I forgot to turn the air conditioning off after parking. FML

#20780305
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60590) - you deserved it (5418)

On 07/13/2013 at 4:40pm - misc - by WOW (man) - Kenya

Today, while texting my boyfriend, I noticed that he copies and pastes old messages so he doesn't have to write new ones. FML



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