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Saturday 13 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

#20787970
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46298) - you deserved it (6422)

On 07/17/2013 at 6:06am - love - by sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - United States (Hawaii)

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

#20776199
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60522) - you deserved it (6395)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by fucked up dad (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

#20777956
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48825) - you deserved it (6325)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

#20772031
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46058) - you deserved it (6144)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by traveling -

Today, my driving instructor failed me on my test, because I forgot to turn the air conditioning off after parking. FML

#20780305
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64079) - you deserved it (5705)

On 07/13/2013 at 4:40pm - misc - by WOW (man) - Kenya

Today, while texting my boyfriend, I noticed that he copies and pastes old messages so he doesn't have to write new ones. FML

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

#20777932
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45014) - you deserved it (5638)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by O_O (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

#20774058
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61724) - you deserved it (5574)

On 07/10/2013 at 10:18am - love - by Paige (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

#20772988
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46527) - you deserved it (5502)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:35pm - misc - by tonedef (man) - United States

Today, I walked to work. I later discovered that my husband had parked my car in a no-parking area. My job is towing cars. I had to tow my own car. FML

#20775203
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53139) - you deserved it (5459)

On 07/10/2013 at 11:04pm - work - by Anonymous -

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

#20772363
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48775) - you deserved it (5409)

On 07/09/2013 at 1:11pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

#20788678
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48974) - you deserved it (5285)

On 07/17/2013 at 4:13pm - love - by fuck family (woman) - Poland (Dolnoslaskie)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

#20771326
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47189) - you deserved it (5260)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:02pm - misc - by the hated - United States (New Jersey)



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