Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Thursday 11 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started hysterically laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

#20787970
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41343) - you deserved it (5741)

On 07/17/2013 at 6:06am - love - by sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

#20790603
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53818) - you deserved it (5737)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

#20770807
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38493) - you deserved it (5716)

On 07/08/2013 at 4:00pm - animals - by richardmrcs (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

#20777956
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43651) - you deserved it (5706)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46697) - you deserved it (5608)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

#20772031
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40870) - you deserved it (5520)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by traveling -

Today, my driving instructor failed me on my test, because I forgot to turn the air conditioning off after parking. FML

#20780305
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58232) - you deserved it (5204)

On 07/13/2013 at 4:40pm - misc - by WOW (man) - Kenya

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

#20770510
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50293) - you deserved it (5052)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by realitybites (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

#20774058
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54905) - you deserved it (4987)

On 07/10/2013 at 10:18am - love - by Paige (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

#20772988
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41756) - you deserved it (4960)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:35pm - misc - by tonedef (man) - United States

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

#20772363
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42872) - you deserved it (4836)

On 07/09/2013 at 1:11pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, while texting my boyfriend, I noticed that he copies and pastes old messages so he doesn't have to write new ones. FML

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

#20777932
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38713) - you deserved it (4755)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by O_O (woman) - United States (Ohio)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: