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Thursday 11 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

#20773891
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39662) - you deserved it (12123)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:58am - animals - by kutekittykatz (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

#20786059
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41896) - you deserved it (11923)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:12am - misc - by TNDriver (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55698) - you deserved it (11515)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

#20777059
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60738) - you deserved it (10398)

On 07/12/2013 at 1:19am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

#20776146
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41990) - you deserved it (10332)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

#20775827
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92484) - you deserved it (10331)

On 07/11/2013 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

#20790784
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37629) - you deserved it (10169)

On 07/18/2013 at 4:53pm - health - by broken finger (man) - United States

Today, I was doing a demonstration in front of my taekwondo class because I'm flexible. Really flexible. I kneed myself in the face and broke my nose. FML

#20779010
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37636) - you deserved it (8965)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:37am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. His reason was that my laugh is really annoying and makes him want to "stick a baby in a blender". FML

#20786622
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43455) - you deserved it (8600)

On 07/16/2013 at 4:32pm - love - by ... cheers (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML

#20774578
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41771) - you deserved it (8272)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by mylifesucks - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was in a restroom, reading this site, when another gentleman walked in. He washed his hands, dried them, nodded at me, then left. It wouldn't ordinarily be so weird, except I was in a one-person restroom. FML

#20784458
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46947) - you deserved it (7814)

On 07/15/2013 at 3:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

#20787181
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37447) - you deserved it (7786)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

#20786212
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52756) - you deserved it (7490)

On 07/16/2013 at 12:06pm - love - by ronnieG (man) - United States (Georgia)



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