Choose the period

Thursday 4 July 2013

Choose a category

Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It turns out that I bought a car in Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2013 at 3:45am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Money

Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2013 at 11:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband's recent obsession with The Sopranos since James Gandolfini died went a step further into the ridiculous, when he tried to encourage some ducks to land in our swimming pool by throwing loaves of bread into it, while bellowing at them with a 'Noo Joisey' Wise Guy accent. FML

by Not Mrs Soprano / 07/08/2013 at 7:57am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my step-dad tried to talk me into getting plastic surgery. His reasoning: "Let's face it, 28 and single? Look, I know your mum gave you shitty genes, but that's no excuse to avoid fixing your face, honey." FML

by buttuglyforeveralone :( / 07/05/2013 at 5:37pm / United Kingdom (Merthyr Tydfil) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother had a full-on hissy fit because of the clothes I was wearing. Not because she thought they were inappropriate, but because I was "stealing her look." FML

by malicious_melons / 07/07/2013 at 7:41pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2013 at 5:45pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

by anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 2:11am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got shut in the walk-in freezer at work. I started banging on the door. My boss wouldn't come and open it because she didn't "play games". She thought I was kidding. FML

by anonymous / 07/02/2013 at 5:08pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML

by theyre not THAT big. / 07/01/2013 at 12:35am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's been three weeks since I moved to Germany with my own money, after my company's offices in Spain shut down. I was given a job at the headquarters here, only to have just found out that the whole company is now set to go into liquidation. FML

by Anonymous / 07/07/2013 at 3:04pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Work

Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML

by ToiletTroubles / 07/03/2013 at 12:19pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I was once again handed a document to translate along with the comment "Good luck, it doesn't make sense to begin with." If my translation doesn't, though, I will not get paid. FML

by Demotivation / 07/02/2013 at 10:35am / Germany (Berlin) / Work

Today, after spending months learning Chinese, selling my house and everything I own for my big transfer to Hong Kong, my boss decided I should instead go to our other branch across town. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2013 at 5:01pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work