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Thursday 27 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow my laundry room key. He was bare-ass naked. When I refused to open the door, he tried to break it down. I had to call the police before he would leave. FML

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

#20750267
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44489) - you deserved it (3176)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:58pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

#20746764
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37027) - you deserved it (3152)

On 06/25/2013 at 4:43pm - misc - by mymomplucksbutthair (woman) - United States

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

#20748362
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43577) - you deserved it (3149)

On 06/26/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

#20750993
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43728) - you deserved it (3141)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by keiran123 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML

#20752461
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44727) - you deserved it (3092)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Nigeria (Lagos)

Today, I got shut in the walk-in freezer at work. I started banging on the door. My boss wouldn't come and open it because she didn't "play games". She thought I was kidding. FML

#20760145
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42915) - you deserved it (2996)

On 07/02/2013 at 5:08pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, while using a urinal in a very busy mall bathroom, another man unzipped his pants and attempted to use the same one as me. FML

#20751757
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52062) - you deserved it (2992)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:16am - health - by not cool (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

#20755318
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47552) - you deserved it (2992)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by unfortunate (man) - United States

Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship after he told me he loved me. FML

#20751768
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44817) - you deserved it (2965)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:23am - work - by unknown relationship - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML

#20757181
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44350) - you deserved it (2920)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by theyre not THAT big. (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I thought I was home alone. Likewise, my visiting grandfather thought he was alone. You can imagine the mutual surprise when I caught him stealing money from my sister's bedroom. FML

#20743925
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48257) - you deserved it (2910)

On 06/24/2013 at 1:38am - money - by pumboc (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML

#20761546
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42623) - you deserved it (2910)

On 07/03/2013 at 12:19pm - health - by ToiletTroubles (woman) - United Kingdom



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