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Friday 14 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

#20726715
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40379) - you deserved it (4432)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by ouch - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

#20718780
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48739) - you deserved it (4423)

On 06/11/2013 at 12:12am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

#20726743
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47944) - you deserved it (4336)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by well then... - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents decided they are going to come with me on my first date. FML

#20734991
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58022) - you deserved it (4320)

On 06/19/2013 at 10:39am - misc - by Overprotected (woman) - United States

Today, I arrived at my grandparents'. They already had guests so I had to sleep in the cottage. It wasn’t that bad until when I was making the bed I found a dead rotting possum in the blankets. When I told my grandmother, she simply said, "Deal with it, wimp." FML

#20718430
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44161) - you deserved it (4283)

On 06/10/2013 at 10:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom walked into the bathroom while I was taking a pic to send to my long-distance boyfriend. She then told me I would go to hell for flaunting myself at guys. I was fully clothed, sending a pic to see if he liked my new haircut. That and I'm 21. FML

#20716841
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55868) - you deserved it (4273)

On 06/10/2013 at 1:13am - misc - by Crazy Mom (woman) - United States

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58657) - you deserved it (4192)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML

#20725457
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60674) - you deserved it (4189)

On 06/14/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Cyprus (Limassol)

Today, I was on my bike. As I'm rolling through an intersection, some asshat in a pickup runs the red light and hits me. Instead of getting out and helping me, the guy hops out, takes a look at me lying in the street, steals my hat and drives off. That was my favorite hat. FML

#20720945
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58420) - you deserved it (4151)

On 06/12/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by Are you f*cking kidding me (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML

#20728616
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53774) - you deserved it (4147)

On 06/16/2013 at 12:54am - love - by fun (man) - United States

Today, my grandpa pointed me out to one of his friends, saying, "Yeah, she's the ugly one." FML

#20717602
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48251) - you deserved it (4143)

On 06/10/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by sadgirl - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML

#20721539
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53616) - you deserved it (4143)

On 06/12/2013 at 1:33pm - health - by unknown - United States (California)

Today, my sister sent me countless pictures of my boyfriend making out with different girls at a bar. His excuse? Photoshop. FML

#20726929
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50773) - you deserved it (4065)

On 06/15/2013 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)



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