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Friday 7 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

#20724048
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54465) - you deserved it (3730)

On 06/13/2013 at 6:12pm - misc - by thatisfuckedup - United Kingdom

Today, I got the bill for the flowers my husband arranged to be delivered to me while he's out of town next week. I also got the bill for the flowers he's sending to the floozy he'll be seeing next week while he's out of town. The gift tag for it was: "I can't wait to see you." FML

#20706851
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58766) - you deserved it (3725)

On 06/05/2013 at 1:02am - love - by Justme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked him dead in the eyes and said, "How much did she pay you? I doubt it was enough." FML

#20723714
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48745) - you deserved it (3702)

On 06/13/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I received a death threat from some nutball accusing me of being part of some big government conspiracy called "Haarp." According to this psycho, I'm responsible for causing the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. I'm just a small-time weatherman. FML

#20703997
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49992) - you deserved it (3641)

On 06/03/2013 at 7:13pm - misc - by fuck wannabe knowitalls (man) - United States

Today, after telling my mother-in-law about my recent miscarriage, she cheerfully made a cake to celebrate. FML

#20714826
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52683) - you deserved it (3544)

On 06/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anoymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am feeling freezing cold and soaking wet. It turns out that my dad had opened my window when I was sleeping, and rain water had been pouring in on me all night. My hair, face, pillow, blankets, alarm clock, and homework were all soaked as well. FML

#20722563
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49791) - you deserved it (3489)

On 06/12/2013 at 10:40pm - misc - by Anon - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I woke up from a much needed nap realizing I should take my pain medication. My mother then told me she had thrown them out so I wouldn't get addicted and become a drug dealer. FML

#20723014
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60329) - you deserved it (3428)

On 06/13/2013 at 3:05am - health - by _Tatyana_ - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

#20723415
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51260) - you deserved it (3426)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I rescued a little boy who looked like he was drowning in a public pool. His mother then smacked me in the face for "touching him". FML

#20708781
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51366) - you deserved it (3414)

On 06/06/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by butisavedyourkid - United States

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. I woke up right as the dentist pulled my last tooth. FML

#20708877
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52689) - you deserved it (3378)

On 06/06/2013 at 1:01am - health - by Applejacks18 (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML

#20709749
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44630) - you deserved it (3305)

On 06/06/2013 at 2:24pm - health - by fuck kids (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a promotion and transfer at work. My first responsibility is to fire my soon to be father in-law. FML

#20708889
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59637) - you deserved it (3270)

On 06/06/2013 at 1:08am - work - by hesgonnahateme - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I could no longer handle the drum music in the apartment below me so I went to kindly ask the little old lady to shut it off before she goes to bed. Her neighbor came out while I knocked to tell me she is out of town and the music is constant so her cats don't get lonely. FML



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