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Friday 7 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

#20712154
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19652) - you deserved it (110502)

On 06/07/2013 at 6:00pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after years of faking pleasure with my boyfriend, I visited the gynaecologist. As soon as she touched my privates I instinctively let out a fake moan. FML

#20720590
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36491) - you deserved it (74026)

On 06/11/2013 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by instinct (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out, I snatched a pair of my wife's panties. Later, we had a cook out for my birthday, where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML

#20721670
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37698) - you deserved it (68481)

On 06/12/2013 at 2:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57302) - you deserved it (66227)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

#20705129
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30912) - you deserved it (65882)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)

Today, after years of researching and saving money, I got a pet fox. I was able to enjoy the majesty of the animal for three hours before it burrowed under the fence and ran away. FML

#20717566
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35357) - you deserved it (51839)

On 06/10/2013 at 2:01pm - animals - by SadFoxLady (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

#20705435
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32950) - you deserved it (48305)

On 06/04/2013 at 1:15pm - health - by poisonivyretard (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML

#20718644
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31502) - you deserved it (47921)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a bug buzzed into my ear. In response, I punched myself in the face. FML

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

#20724353
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41226) - you deserved it (25845)

On 06/13/2013 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML

#20723133
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47052) - you deserved it (24043)

On 06/13/2013 at 6:16am - misc - by fuckyouverymuch (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend lost his temper with me and complained that my "constant" apologies for upsetting him drive him insane, and without thinking, I said I was sorry. He hung up and I haven't heard from him since. FML

#20705829
173 comments

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

#20702628
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55670) - you deserved it (16887)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:41am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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