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Wednesday 5 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I accidentally left some music playing on my iPad, then left to do some errands. When I came back, I found it smashed into a million pieces. Apparently, grandpa couldn't find any other way to "shut off that goddamn music." FML

#20722030
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45682) - you deserved it (10104)

On 06/12/2013 at 5:45pm - misc - by MsGlaDos - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

#20715175
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53013) - you deserved it (9386)

On 06/09/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML

#20712090
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61147) - you deserved it (8469)

On 06/07/2013 at 5:20pm - intimacy - by what the fuck (woman) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML

#20716126
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33007) - you deserved it (8122)

On 06/09/2013 at 7:33pm - work - by EmployeeOfTheMonth - United States (Idaho)

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

#20714140
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39749) - you deserved it (7857)

On 06/08/2013 at 7:43pm - misc - by purged (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I left my dog in the car while I quickly ran into a store. I came out to a woman smashing at my window, screaming that it was too hot in the car for the dog and saying I was being inhumane. The car was still running and the air conditioning was on. FML

#20721457
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54692) - you deserved it (7855)

On 06/12/2013 at 12:47pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML

#20709141
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44075) - you deserved it (7777)

On 06/06/2013 at 4:49am - misc - by dollabill009 - United States

Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML

#20706140
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80449) - you deserved it (7662)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by ._. (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I was bombarded with phone calls from debt collectors. After some investigation, it turns out my grandma, who has dementia, has been going into our mailbox and throwing away the outgoing mail because it wasn't addressed to her. I'm now apparently 3 months behind in payments. FML

#20720825
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43658) - you deserved it (7469)

On 06/12/2013 at 12:57am - money - by redvolvo23 - United States

Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML

#20713749
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40084) - you deserved it (7463)

On 06/08/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML

#20703790
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57251) - you deserved it (7233)

On 06/03/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by VDM (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As it turns out, watering flowers is much more dangerous than it might sound. FML

#20716424
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34758) - you deserved it (6820)

On 06/09/2013 at 10:27pm - health - by Sean - United States



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