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Saturday 1 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML

#20691094
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21726) - you deserved it (117569)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

#20712154
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18115) - you deserved it (102227)

On 06/07/2013 at 6:00pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

#20705129
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28074) - you deserved it (60743)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48322) - you deserved it (57897)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

#20691900
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27901) - you deserved it (51372)

On 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm - money - by pool party - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

#20691781
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21970) - you deserved it (45748)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by Amber - United States (California)

Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML

#20693016
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21620) - you deserved it (45652)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:24pm - money - by sammarli530 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

#20705435
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31077) - you deserved it (45575)

On 06/04/2013 at 1:15pm - health - by poisonivyretard (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, we had a get together for work at a restaurant I've never heard of. After spending all week trying to make a good impression on my new boss and co-workers, I showed up in a pair of shorts and a Star Wars T-Shirt. Turns out it was one of the fanciest restaurants in town. FML

#20695797
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18090) - you deserved it (45503)

On 05/30/2013 at 6:32pm - work - by Lizzie - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML

#20690847
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21596) - you deserved it (41654)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

#20691712
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16503) - you deserved it (40952)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML

#20697165
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29339) - you deserved it (32058)

On 05/31/2013 at 10:59am - animals - by fuckshitcockwaffle (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

#20690661
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53405) - you deserved it (31605)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)



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