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Saturday 25 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML

#20687417
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35126) - you deserved it (3721)

On 05/26/2013 at 1:55pm - health - by ewwww (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

#20688489
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54479) - you deserved it (3712)

On 05/27/2013 at 12:05am - animals - by scared-straight - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

#20688020
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55295) - you deserved it (3708)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

#20684256
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33993) - you deserved it (3698)

On 05/24/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by unwilling redneck - United States

Today, one of my closest friends informed me that she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding, because I'm too shy and not enough fun, and she doesn't want her 200 or so guests to feel uncomfortable. I was the one who set the happy couple up. FML

#20681501
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53786) - you deserved it (3579)

On 05/23/2013 at 9:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, the communications expert I'm forced to work with added the line "as they can catch bigger fishes" to a film script. She does not believe me when I tell her that the plural of fish is "fish." This idiot not only has the final word, she makes twice what I do. FML

#20682053
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32055) - you deserved it (3557)

On 05/23/2013 at 4:15pm - work - by onefishtwofishes (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, the vet sent me an email wishing my kitten a happy 2nd birthday. My cat died last year. FML

#20686886
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41212) - you deserved it (3398)

On 05/26/2013 at 4:33am - animals - by Tiber46 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that me having a boyfriend is an on-going family joke. FML

#20694663
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38761) - you deserved it (3387)

On 05/30/2013 at 1:37am - love - by I'm a joke? -

Today, I got dragged along to a family dinner. Some idiot invited my douchebag vegan uncle, who spent half the night making condescending remarks and lecturing us on how disgusting it was to have steak on offer at the table. A fistfight eventually erupted, and the cops were called. FML

#20687302
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37329) - you deserved it (3368)

On 05/26/2013 at 12:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was torn from my car and slammed against the hood because a canister of window-cleaning wipes I keep in my glove compartment apparently looks vaguely like a pipe-bomb. My lawyer agreed with the cops, and won't handle the "excessive force" case I threatened the police with. FML

#20683298
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37693) - you deserved it (3355)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:42am - misc - by JDziewaltowski (man) - United States

Today, I was out on a family walk, when I overheard two women talking to each other. One of them was wondering how a kid with such good looking parents and grandparents could be so ugly. That kid is my daughter. FML

Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

#20692668
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61873) - you deserved it (3261)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:31am - misc - by :) - United States

Today, I realised half my underpants were missing. In related news, my slob of a housemate hasn't washed hers in several weeks, and has been stealing mine. FML

#20699444
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42417) - you deserved it (3244)

On 06/01/2013 at 2:52pm - misc - by WHOO HOO AIDS (woman) - Poland (Mazowieckie)



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