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Saturday 25 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

#20684256
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38877) - you deserved it (4237)

On 05/24/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by unwilling redneck - United States

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

#20675286
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48348) - you deserved it (4230)

On 05/20/2013 at 12:02pm - misc - by well okay then - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML

#20683274
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34802) - you deserved it (4212)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:04am - animals - by seriously - United States

Today, thanks to an idiotic, "hilariously edgy" advert that screened in the very early evening, my 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never received so many dirty looks in my life. FML

#20697858
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38564) - you deserved it (4195)

On 05/31/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by theybitchaboutgnomesbutnotthis?? (man) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

#20688020
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61383) - you deserved it (4164)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found shit on my windshield. I'm not sure if it is human or animal, but it was conveniently smeared all over and even more was placed under my wipers just in case I used them to clean it up. This isn't the first time, and I have no idea who I could have pissed off. FML

#20694826
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48604) - you deserved it (4109)

On 05/30/2013 at 5:41am - misc - by windshitwipers (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, a friend was put on suicide watch when her parents wouldn't pay $500 for a premium senior picture package. FML

Today, I was torn from my car and slammed against the hood because a canister of window-cleaning wipes I keep in my glove compartment apparently looks vaguely like a pipe-bomb. My lawyer agreed with the cops, and won't handle the "excessive force" case I threatened the police with. FML

#20683298
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43226) - you deserved it (4099)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:42am - misc - by JDziewaltowski (man) - United States

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

#20695090
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49217) - you deserved it (4080)

On 05/30/2013 at 11:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

#20689621
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46128) - you deserved it (4048)

On 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm - work - by fuck you retail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML

#20699633
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47955) - you deserved it (4026)

On 06/01/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML

#20693039
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48483) - you deserved it (4007)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:39pm - misc - by no boobies - United States

Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML

#20682049
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44320) - you deserved it (4003)

On 05/23/2013 at 4:11pm - misc - by eric4 (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)



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