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Sunday 19 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

#20688020
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60328) - you deserved it (4088)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

#20663182
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42004) - you deserved it (4071)

On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

#20661280
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39652) - you deserved it (4059)

On 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me. Apparently I'm not the "classy girl" he thought I was, and he's not comfortable "doing such vile things in public." I had tried to hold his hand. FML

#20664518
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51125) - you deserved it (4041)

On 05/15/2013 at 2:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML

#20682049
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44289) - you deserved it (4000)

On 05/23/2013 at 4:11pm - misc - by eric4 (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, at work, my boss made me go outside and wash people's cars for free. I work at Verizon. FML

#20677176
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41833) - you deserved it (3993)

On 05/21/2013 at 2:31am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

#20662624
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56124) - you deserved it (3985)

On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received a notice that if I don't move the abandoned vehicle from outside my house it will be repossessed at my expense. My car isn't abandoned. FML

#20662395
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40375) - you deserved it (3956)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:29am - misc - by CrappyCar (woman) - United States

Today, I was torn from my car and slammed against the hood because a canister of window-cleaning wipes I keep in my glove compartment apparently looks vaguely like a pipe-bomb. My lawyer agreed with the cops, and won't handle the "excessive force" case I threatened the police with. FML

#20683298
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41551) - you deserved it (3950)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:42am - misc - by JDziewaltowski (man) - United States

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

#20673563
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39936) - you deserved it (3919)

On 05/19/2013 at 6:33pm - animals - by rach (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML

#20687417
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37044) - you deserved it (3900)

On 05/26/2013 at 1:55pm - health - by ewwww (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the communications expert I'm forced to work with added the line "as they can catch bigger fishes" to a film script. She does not believe me when I tell her that the plural of fish is "fish." This idiot not only has the final word, she makes twice what I do. FML

#20682053
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35010) - you deserved it (3892)

On 05/23/2013 at 4:15pm - work - by onefishtwofishes (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, one of my closest friends informed me that she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding, because I'm too shy and not enough fun, and she doesn't want her 200 or so guests to feel uncomfortable. I was the one who set the happy couple up. FML

#20681501
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57820) - you deserved it (3870)

On 05/23/2013 at 9:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)



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