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Sunday 19 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML

#20671220
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49111) - you deserved it (5158)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Mr_poole (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

#20668540
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60828) - you deserved it (5144)

On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -

Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML

#20672345
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42264) - you deserved it (5133)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:30am - misc - by dafuqdidisee (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML

#20684997
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81552) - you deserved it (5083)

On 05/25/2013 at 2:55am - love - by lizzie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

#20660172
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43382) - you deserved it (5074)

On 05/13/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

#20671062
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38924) - you deserved it (5029)

On 05/18/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by look at the fucking universe, lady (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

#20663152
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45304) - you deserved it (4962)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:52pm - love - by wellokaythen (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

#20679725
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59124) - you deserved it (4961)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my third promotion at work in as many years. My husband congratulated me very briefly, before asking if this meant he no longer had to look for a job. FML

#20671146
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41783) - you deserved it (4946)

On 05/18/2013 at 3:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Guanajuato)

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends commented on how small my boobs are. My boyfriend defended me, saying it was only because I was wearing a sports bra. I wasn't. It was the push-up bra he bought me. FML

#20686053
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53982) - you deserved it (4773)

On 05/25/2013 at 7:12pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the couch I bought a week ago was delivered. I don't know which is worse: my son being the one to point out it's been "used", or that he used a black light to prove it. FML

#20672414
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51994) - you deserved it (4747)

On 05/19/2013 at 3:35am - kids - by disappointed dad - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were planning to move to a cheaper apartment which my mother agreed to rent us. She was very supportive and excited that we'd be closer, and it was great until she gave us a list of books, movies, games, etc. that we can't bring because they're "demonic". FML



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