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Saturday 18 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML

#20664979
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53204) - you deserved it (10443)

On 05/15/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Redfaced (woman) - United Kingdom (Walsall)

Today, I registered on an irritable bowel support group, unknowingly linking it to my Facebook wall. FML

#20666712
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38978) - you deserved it (10338)

On 05/16/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I awoke from a dream that I'd found an Arco gas station that had regular gas for $3.38. I actually went looking for it. FML

#20679582
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39127) - you deserved it (10057)

On 05/22/2013 at 10:51am - money - by maarkblack (man) - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML

#20664891
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43331) - you deserved it (9781)

On 05/15/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

#20664547
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44413) - you deserved it (9600)

On 05/15/2013 at 3:20am - misc - by notarobber (man) - United States (California)

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

#20660456
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48099) - you deserved it (9185)

On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I stepped out of the kitchen to yell at my kids for running in the house. I had just mopped the floor, and did not want them to fall. I fell while yelling and twisted my ankle. At least they know it's dangerous now. FML

#20667457
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40784) - you deserved it (9062)

On 05/16/2013 at 5:50pm - kids - by meepdaleap - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52004) - you deserved it (8989)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML

#20683669
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49328) - you deserved it (8952)

On 05/24/2013 at 12:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

#20667353
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52078) - you deserved it (8946)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I posted a Facebook status about how I hoped to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. A couple of hours later, I saw a comment on it saying he'd never done anything bad enough to deserve that kind of torment. Thanks, mom. FML

#20664946
79 comments

Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML

#20684818
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45883) - you deserved it (8377)

On 05/25/2013 at 12:37am - kids - by Laurel (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML

#20673056
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42114) - you deserved it (8240)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:02pm - love - by SariLone (woman) - India (Maharashtra)



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