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Sunday 12 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

#20656177
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38425) - you deserved it (6752)

On 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm - kids - by What the fuck, son? (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML

#20657675
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54417) - you deserved it (6714)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by lamsolonely - United States

Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML

#20655587
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37352) - you deserved it (6511)

On 05/11/2013 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45755) - you deserved it (6414)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I told my dad that I broke up with my first serious girlfriend. He responded by blaring sad breakup songs as loud as he could throughout the house, just to see me "cry like a bitch". FML

#20671425
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41872) - you deserved it (6401)

On 05/18/2013 at 6:33pm - love - by SteroidPenguin (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

#20653026
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50164) - you deserved it (6378)

On 05/09/2013 at 9:41pm - kids - by brokedad - United States

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

#20660573
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35829) - you deserved it (6372)

On 05/13/2013 at 10:16am - money - by psychopumpkin - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, my water broke while my boyfriend was breaking up with me. FML

#20649270
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71411) - you deserved it (6345)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:41am - health - by Carrie - United States (California)

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

#20646861
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53996) - you deserved it (6228)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was making tea when I smelled something burning. My very fluffy cat had put his tail right next to the open flame and burnt his fur. Now I have a semi-hairless cat and a very smelly apartment. FML

#20647478
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36848) - you deserved it (6023)

On 05/07/2013 at 10:18am - animals - by AussieG75 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

#20663640
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35263) - you deserved it (6020)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm - misc - by Brenden - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

#20644913
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43558) - you deserved it (5892)

On 05/06/2013 at 4:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

#20644821
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63010) - you deserved it (5792)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States



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