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Saturday 11 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

#20668540
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58413) - you deserved it (4955)

On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML

#20671220
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45533) - you deserved it (4827)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Mr_poole (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

#20671062
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36698) - you deserved it (4817)

On 05/18/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by look at the fucking universe, lady (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

#20660172
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40854) - you deserved it (4816)

On 05/13/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my third promotion at work in as many years. My husband congratulated me very briefly, before asking if this meant he no longer had to look for a job. FML

#20671146
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39681) - you deserved it (4776)

On 05/18/2013 at 3:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Guanajuato)

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML

#20647074
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60549) - you deserved it (4736)

On 05/07/2013 at 1:10am - misc - by the girl next door (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

#20663152
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42056) - you deserved it (4690)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:52pm - love - by wellokaythen (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend bought me a silver necklace. I have a silver allergy, but I thanked him anyway and encouraged him to return it. I found out later that he knew about my allergy all along and bought it on purpose so he could return it, get a refund, and still look good. FML

#20652174
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58280) - you deserved it (4636)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

#20645473
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60070) - you deserved it (4617)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:08pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML

#20654488
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45964) - you deserved it (4394)

On 05/10/2013 at 4:11pm - misc - by o___O" (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML

#20645244
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54732) - you deserved it (4357)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:25am - work - by perfecttiming (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

#20671163
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51383) - you deserved it (4353)

On 05/18/2013 at 3:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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