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Saturday 11 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

#20667353
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53617) - you deserved it (9135)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53272) - you deserved it (9113)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

#20653580
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45311) - you deserved it (9059)

On 05/10/2013 at 12:44am - work - by legit247 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I agreed to help out my 4-year crush with his senior prank which is to pretend we are dating for 1 day to freak everyone out. Glad to know dating me is prank worthy. FML

#20658208
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62104) - you deserved it (9013)

On 05/12/2013 at 10:08am - love - by turdtonomor9 - United States

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

#20645667
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54917) - you deserved it (8975)

On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I posted a Facebook status about how I hoped to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. A couple of hours later, I saw a comment on it saying he'd never done anything bad enough to deserve that kind of torment. Thanks, mom. FML

#20664946
79 comments

Today, I decided to end things with my boyfriend, thinking it would be fine since things have never been at all serious between us. He cried for hours before having his grandmother text me to say how heartless I am. FML

#20654207
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44633) - you deserved it (8209)

On 05/10/2013 at 12:48pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway

Today, I started the bleaching treatments that my dentist recommended. Now, my two front teeth have ultra white spots, the rest of my teeth are still yellow and the roof of my mouth is burned. FML

#20653345
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40746) - you deserved it (8018)

On 05/09/2013 at 11:11pm - health - by ZydecosGirl - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

#20647234
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50567) - you deserved it (7783)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:45am - love - by serialkillingex (man) - Netherlands

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

#20656177
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43945) - you deserved it (7510)

On 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm - kids - by What the fuck, son? (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, as with every day, I had to endure my roommate talking to his wife in a baby voice. This is a grown man, who has had a beard since junior high, who literally talks to her like you would a puppy or a baby. Someone kill me. FML

Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML

#20657675
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60428) - you deserved it (7306)

On 05/12/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by lamsolonely - United States

Today, I told my dad that I broke up with my first serious girlfriend. He responded by blaring sad breakup songs as loud as he could throughout the house, just to see me "cry like a bitch". FML

#20671425
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48901) - you deserved it (7238)

On 05/18/2013 at 6:33pm - love - by SteroidPenguin (man) - United States (Colorado)



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