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Wednesday 8 May 2013

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Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML

by lamsolonely / 05/12/2013 at 12:35am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2013 at 1:15am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making tea when I smelled something burning. My very fluffy cat had put his tail right next to the open flame and burnt his fur. Now I have a semi-hairless cat and a very smelly apartment. FML

by AussieG75 / 05/07/2013 at 10:18am / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

by brokedad / 05/09/2013 at 9:41pm / United States / Kids

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

by psychopumpkin / 05/13/2013 at 10:16am / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Money

Today, my water broke while my boyfriend was breaking up with me. FML

by Carrie / 05/08/2013 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Health

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 11:27pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

by Brenden / 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML

by Liferuinedforever / 05/14/2013 at 3:13am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Kids

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 4:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids

Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

by walkingdead_1029 / 05/06/2013 at 2:49am / United States (Arizona) / Love