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Saturday 4 May 2013

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Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

by Anonymous / 05/05/2013 at 3:35pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

by DeActivated / 05/03/2013 at 8:39pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML

by hopelesscollegechick / 05/07/2013 at 2:14pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML

by GaveAnInchTakeAMile / 05/11/2013 at 5:52am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

by FenRackety / 05/10/2013 at 8:37am / Canada / Animals

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

by Bridget / 05/11/2013 at 12:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

by Good Luck Chuck / 04/29/2013 at 1:07pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

by oops / 05/08/2013 at 10:44am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

by poopydaddy / 05/03/2013 at 7:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I spent hours playing my guitar and singing in the street, hoping to make some extra cash. About 3 hours in, I realized some punk had been walking around with a hat taking money as if he was with me. FML

by honeynuggetviolin / 04/30/2013 at 8:31pm / Money

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2013 at 7:16pm / Switzerland (Sankt Gallen) / Love

Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML

by ShowerGirl / 04/30/2013 at 3:54am / United States / Money

Today, I saw my ex husband walking with his very beautiful, very pregnant wife. We divorced 7 months ago because he told me he was gay. FML

by stephscort / 05/11/2013 at 9:32am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous