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Saturday 4 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

#20653962
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48093) - you deserved it (5163)

On 05/10/2013 at 8:37am - animals - by FenRackety (man) - Canada

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

#20639678
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36879) - you deserved it (5130)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:39pm - misc - by DeActivated (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

#20630309
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54456) - you deserved it (5012)

On 04/29/2013 at 1:07pm - love - by Good Luck Chuck (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

#20649670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67170) - you deserved it (4958)

On 05/08/2013 at 10:44am - intimacy - by oops - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML

#20632198
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50833) - you deserved it (4768)

On 04/30/2013 at 3:54am - money - by ShowerGirl (woman) - United States

Today, I saw my ex husband walking with his very beautiful, very pregnant wife. We divorced 7 months ago because he told me he was gay. FML

#20655918
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67263) - you deserved it (4760)

On 05/11/2013 at 9:32am - misc - by stephscort - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

#20643291
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47705) - you deserved it (4702)

On 05/05/2013 at 3:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

#20654832
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48267) - you deserved it (4695)

On 05/10/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Sankt Gallen)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

#20639297
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47840) - you deserved it (4626)

On 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57617) - you deserved it (4556)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

#20638599
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44162) - you deserved it (4458)

On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

#20655447
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52897) - you deserved it (4390)

On 05/11/2013 at 12:01am - love - by Bridget - Canada (Ontario)



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