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Thursday 18 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML

#20599149
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38965) - you deserved it (7464)

On 04/17/2013 at 11:14am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

#20597351
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46945) - you deserved it (7386)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68324) - you deserved it (7236)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

#20606960
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50618) - you deserved it (7191)

On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States

Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML

#20609608
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77745) - you deserved it (7076)

On 04/21/2013 at 6:20am - intimacy - by loving wife - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

#20608416
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54849) - you deserved it (7027)

On 04/20/2013 at 7:40pm - love - by Thanks Babe (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I took my Spanish test, and I felt very confident. I got the test back later, and saw my teacher had written on it: "Congrats on the 94%, but I know you cheated." FML

#20615717
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47474) - you deserved it (6977)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML

#20605608
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54862) - you deserved it (6857)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:04pm - kids - by reyoflight (man) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, a girl was telling me how she was very stressed over her parents' divorce and moving away to another part of the state. While I was listening, I started choking on my saliva. She thought I was laughing. She hasn't spoken to me since. FML

#20601828
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43071) - you deserved it (6842)

On 04/18/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by notlaughing (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML

#20607010
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55808) - you deserved it (6817)

On 04/20/2013 at 8:02am - love - by How strange - United States

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

#20605100
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43022) - you deserved it (6760)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

#20609262
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52432) - you deserved it (6697)

On 04/21/2013 at 1:07am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was small talking with an elderly man, who told me that nobody cares about him. Even though I had only known him for an hour, to try and make him feel a little better I told him I care about him. He then called me a creep, stomped his cane onto my foot, and walked off. FML

#20612321
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41937) - you deserved it (6678)

On 04/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by 'creep' - United States (Colorado)



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