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Thursday 11 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

#20581880
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73961) - you deserved it (11903)

On 04/09/2013 at 7:05am - intimacy - by saywhat (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

#20586776
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44561) - you deserved it (11889)

On 04/12/2013 at 5:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML

#20582655
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32683) - you deserved it (11649)

On 04/09/2013 at 8:02pm - misc - by WearingSomethingStringy (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

#20584918
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54671) - you deserved it (11616)

On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

#20586362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64203) - you deserved it (11492)

On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

#20589609
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45197) - you deserved it (11384)

On 04/14/2013 at 5:58am - kids - by jasminejzhu (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

#20592968
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62154) - you deserved it (11252)

On 04/15/2013 at 5:09am - intimacy - by JRLJLS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

#20592767
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57425) - you deserved it (10974)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:04am - intimacy - by twinArmageddon2 - United States (California)

Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML

#20599573
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47826) - you deserved it (10237)

On 04/17/2013 at 3:01pm - misc - by pantydropper (woman) - United States

Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML

#20582010
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32644) - you deserved it (10227) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/09/2013 at 6:29am - health - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

#20589296
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47256) - you deserved it (9616)

On 04/14/2013 at 1:10am - health - by NoPeeGiven - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

#20585643
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40684) - you deserved it (9478)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:59pm - animals - by anyonmus - United States (Maryland)



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