Choose the period

Tuesday 19 March 2013

Choose a category

Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2013 at 12:08pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a goodbye dinner with friends before I move back to America. A friend called to cry over relationship problems she refuses to fix. While I was outside trying to politely get off the phone, my friends ate and drank everything I'd ordered and closed the bill. FML

by sorryyouweregone / 03/25/2013 at 9:13am / Japan (Tokyo) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my picture from a dating profile was so "hilarious" that people have been posting it on Instagram with mean captions. FML

by And I'm still single / 03/24/2013 at 4:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my husband that a guy I work with told me that I'm the most beautiful woman he has ever met. My husband replied, "He needs to get out more." FML

by Candycane88 / 03/26/2013 at 10:12am / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my daughter got selected to pick music for a funeral. She only listens to Nikki Minaj. FML

by bear / 03/26/2013 at 7:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, my roommates decided to hold an intervention. They told me I would have to break up with my boyfriend because they don't want people having sex in our apartment during college exams. My boyfriend agreed. FML

by Tooloud / 03/24/2013 at 7:21pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, I went out to Applebees with a girl I like and a group of friends. Someone asked if the girl and I were dating. She instantly replied with a bit of disgust "What? No way, never!" It would have been nice to know before paying for the last ten or so dates we went on. FML

Today, my husband showed up late to my mother's funeral. He swaggered in, happily finishing off a half-eaten taco. His excuse for why he was so cheerful: "She was an in-law, honey." Good to know I married a piece of shit in disguise. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 1:30pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into an exam after having stayed up 20 straight hours studying. The professor looked at me and muttered, "Don't bother, I'm failing you either way." FML

by Tired / 03/20/2013 at 4:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned from a 5-day cruise for my senior spring break, filled with gorgeous sorority girls from all over the country. I was seasick the whole time. FML

by captainlame / 03/21/2013 at 1:59am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 7:47pm / United States / Kids

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML

by holycommander / 03/26/2013 at 4:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

by chickenmcnuggetgirl / 03/18/2013 at 2:10pm / Ireland (Meath) / Intimacy