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Sunday 17 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

#20505985
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11242) - you deserved it (49954)

On 02/14/2013 at 2:39am - misc - by assoutofuandme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

#20513075
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16543) - you deserved it (49122)

On 02/19/2013 at 1:19am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML

#20520975
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9074) - you deserved it (46476)

On 02/24/2013 at 10:41pm - misc - by Fox - United States

Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML

#20517994
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10908) - you deserved it (44116)

On 02/22/2013 at 8:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

#20516729
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9556) - you deserved it (43355) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/21/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by lolo - Israel (HaDarom)

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

#20516811
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6080) - you deserved it (42184)

On 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

#20518830
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22589) - you deserved it (39984)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by think i'm dating perdix (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML

#20517120
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11520) - you deserved it (39255)

On 02/22/2013 at 1:12am - intimacy - by wrongplacewrongtime - United States (Texas)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML

#20508952
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13618) - you deserved it (39197)

On 02/16/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by uhoh (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

#20507167
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11785) - you deserved it (38210)

On 02/14/2013 at 8:55pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

#20504494
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6875) - you deserved it (37812)

On 02/13/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

#20512812
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6024) - you deserved it (35796)

On 02/18/2013 at 10:21pm - misc - by hhhhhhhpeterwut - United States (Maryland)

Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML

#20512105
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13018) - you deserved it (33849)

On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States



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