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Thursday 3 January 2013

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Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

by but i make different stiffies / 01/04/2013 at 7:33pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I went to take a shower. Afterwards, I noticed I'd forgotten to bring a shirt to change into, so I put on a towel and went back to my room, only to witness my 14-year-old brother and a friend smelling my bra, commenting on "how warm it is". FML

by PrezKisame / 01/03/2013 at 3:35pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

by Tiffosaur / 01/04/2013 at 1:12am / United States / Love

Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML

by Anon. / 01/02/2013 at 4:53pm / Animals

Today, someone sent my boss a CD full of documents for an upcoming trial. It's my job to sort through the evidence, so he gave it to me. I looked on the CD. There's only one file; a 1020-page PDF of all the documents we need, and the pages weren't scanned in order. FML

by fucked five ways to friday / 01/03/2013 at 6:36pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML

by why? / 01/01/2013 at 12:41am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, was my birthday. Today was also the day that my mom's cat died four years ago. She was too busy crying and looking at old photos of her beloved cat to even wish me a happy birthday. FML

by Birthday girl / 01/06/2013 at 12:59am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the reading of my mother's last will and testament, I found out that despite having cared for her for the final years of her life, she denied me an inheritance. She basically said I'm an embarrassment, because when she wrote it, I was 31 years old, with no wife or children. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2013 at 4:35pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML

by alynna007 / 01/02/2013 at 5:31am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I had to download a parental block so my dad would stop watching porn on my laptop. FML

by Tooyoungforthis / 01/03/2013 at 7:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2013 at 6:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my mom asked me why MS Word keeps underlining some words. After I tried to convince her that you're supposed to put a space after commas, she started yelling at me for making her look stupid. I can never win. FML

by millavitsa / 01/03/2013 at 5:36pm / Ukraine / Miscellaneous

Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML

by HatedGrandson / 01/06/2013 at 7:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous