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Sunday 2 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

#20189885
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20938) - you deserved it (2926)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm - misc - by FlyingFist - United States

Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML

#20179829
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25498) - you deserved it (2925)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:13pm - misc - by Autocorrected - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

#20188543
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22795) - you deserved it (2908)

On 12/02/2012 at 8:57pm - misc - by :/ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I told each other about our boyfriends. They're both nice, kind, beautiful, talented, funny, sweet and smart. They also both have the same name. And house. And job. And car. FML

#20196037
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41898) - you deserved it (2778)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:44am - love - by ouch. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML

#20192452
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23415) - you deserved it (2754)

On 12/05/2012 at 3:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents told me that they had joined a local club. Proud of them for going out of their comfort zone to make new friends, I googled the name of the club. I'm sure they'll make some lifelong friends at their first swingers club meet. FML

#20179494
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25690) - you deserved it (2749)

On 11/26/2012 at 8:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, the battery cables on my car came loose, thus resetting my car's electronics to factory settings. The anti-theft system is now turned on, and I can't start my car with it on. Luckily, it turns off with a remote. The remote broke about six months ago. FML

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

#20188897
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20113) - you deserved it (2702)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:18am - health - by Gahh... (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

#20197219
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25680) - you deserved it (2647)

On 12/09/2012 at 1:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me, and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

#20195284
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22037) - you deserved it (2623)

On 12/07/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

#20192033
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40180) - you deserved it (2605)

On 12/05/2012 at 5:52am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

#20190801
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20050) - you deserved it (2603)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:17am - love - by Single (man) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML

#20186585
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25974) - you deserved it (2600)

On 12/01/2012 at 12:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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