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Sunday 2 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

#20188363
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24723) - you deserved it (3954)

On 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by fineididntwantkidsanyway (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

#20189474
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21807) - you deserved it (3875)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

#20192265
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20739) - you deserved it (3857)

On 12/05/2012 at 11:50am - kids - by JessThompson - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

#20189453
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31003) - you deserved it (3813)

On 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

#20189170
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28736) - you deserved it (3807)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:53am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML

#20192329
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21785) - you deserved it (3727)

On 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm - health - by Emily - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

#20181345
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42336) - you deserved it (3724)

On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

#20193405
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33257) - you deserved it (3696)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:18am - animals - by psd60 - United States (Texas)

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

#20191703
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23499) - you deserved it (3657)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

#20189915
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35381) - you deserved it (3646)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

#20196008
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21893) - you deserved it (3601)

On 12/08/2012 at 4:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

#20179890
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31201) - you deserved it (3554)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm - misc - by Teddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

#20189162
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18945) - you deserved it (3452)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:40am - misc - by backtothelaundrettethen (woman) - Germany



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