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Friday 16 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML

#20162265
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8341) - you deserved it (29719)

On 11/13/2012 at 8:03pm - misc - by scaredinnyc - United States (New Jersey)

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

#20171052
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12924) - you deserved it (29430)

On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML

#20162883
279 comments

Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML

#20167475
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11245) - you deserved it (29005)

On 11/18/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13512) - you deserved it (26726)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

#20167023
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16806) - you deserved it (25764)

On 11/17/2012 at 5:31pm - kids - by susan (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my boss I could handle running the floor buffer. Thirty seconds in, I lost control and became pinned to the wall by its force. In my state of shock and embarrassment, I didn't realize the only thing keeping me trapped was my grip on the accelerator. FML

#20164988
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7669) - you deserved it (22527)

On 11/16/2012 at 12:04am - work - by rubberduck1 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML

#20162727
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9713) - you deserved it (21667)

On 11/14/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by talker (man) - United States (California)

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

#20171594
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8393) - you deserved it (21563)

On 11/20/2012 at 9:37pm - misc - by Hover Hand (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

#20169381
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21876) - you deserved it (17825)

On 11/19/2012 at 11:15am - animals - by crazycatlady (woman) - United States

Today, I yet again purposely avoided the 'Health and Fitness' section on pinterest to keep my self-esteem up. FML

#20171929
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8723) - you deserved it (17508)

On 11/21/2012 at 1:20am - health - by fatty - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML

#20170222
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31769) - you deserved it (16765)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

#20174722
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52168) - you deserved it (15288)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Washington)



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