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Saturday 13 February 2016

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came inside a girl's vagina by accident. Neither one of us wants her to be pregnant, and I had to spend half an hour with her sitting on my face, while I sucked my own cum out of her. I don't even know if this will work. FML

#21524955
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7775) - you deserved it (41383)

On 02/10/2016 at 9:12pm - intimacy - by nickncik (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that people are notified when you list them on Twitter. I've been listing people as "Interesting" and "Stupid". FML

#21524626
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8299) - you deserved it (17601)

On 02/09/2016 at 11:08pm - misc - by Shiet - Singapore

Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML

#21525372
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15333) - you deserved it (4495)

On 02/12/2016 at 2:50am - love - by oblivious idiot -

Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML

#21525498
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11447) - you deserved it (4054)

On 02/12/2016 at 1:22pm - misc - by SK8WITME (man) - India

Today, I found out that the guy I've been crushing on for months is actually 15 years old. I'm 22. Not only is it gross, but it's also illegal. FML

#21524349
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19318) - you deserved it (3969)

On 02/09/2016 at 8:08am - love - by abnormallyadam - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my aunt informed me that my dad thinks my boyfriend is a loser deadbeat because he hasn't proposed to me after two years of dating and co-habitation. He hasn't asked because I already made it very clear I have no interest in marriage. FML

#21524771
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17530) - you deserved it (3912)

On 02/10/2016 at 10:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out how painful it is to static shock the tip of your dick. FML

#21525225
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13411) - you deserved it (3875)

On 02/11/2016 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by Electro (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I took my girlfriend out for a romantic dinner, since we can't see each other this Valentine's Day. Halfway through, my aunt called, telling me my grandma had died. I had to leave because I was crying so much, leaving my girlfriend with a very pricey bill. FML

#21524337
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20402) - you deserved it (3812)

On 02/09/2016 at 6:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I met up with my 'on again, off again' girlfriend of 4 years that I'm still madly in love with. We've been broken up for a few months and she's been dating someone else. We talked about possibly trying things again. When I got home, I found out she's engaged. FML

#21524584
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16944) - you deserved it (3721)

On 02/09/2016 at 9:29pm - love - by lovehurts - United States (Michigan)

Today, one of my friends made it to school. He has been sick recently, missing days out of the week. When I saw him, I greeted him with, "Were you dying yesterday?" Apparently he wasn't, but his grandmother really did. FML

#21524937
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15635) - you deserved it (3379)

On 02/10/2016 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I greeted my boss with, "Looking good, did you lose weight?" He responded that no, he'd just purchased larger pants. FML

#21525094
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16119) - you deserved it (3125)

On 02/11/2016 at 7:24am - work - by candy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sat in my hotel room bathroom in dead silence for 30 minutes while I waited for the cleaning staff to stop watching TV and drinking beer from the minibar, so that I could finish using the toilet. FML

#21524700
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16786) - you deserved it (3056)

On 02/10/2016 at 4:09am - misc - by mn051299 - Switzerland (Schwyz)

Today, I got my very first tattoo. Excited, I sent a picture to my best friend. Her response? "You're joking, right?" FML



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Friday 12 February 2016

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