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Thursday 3 September 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I left my phone outside on the grass while I went inside to get a drink. I didn't expect my dad to run over it with the lawn mower. FML

#21463365
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10256) - you deserved it (20759)

On 09/01/2015 at 12:46pm - misc - by RiceCrispyTreats - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I thought I'd locked my house keys in my locker at work. Not having any replacement nearby, I decided to cut the padlock with the saw of my pocket-knife. It took 20 minutes and four cuts into my hand to destroy the padlock. It took another five seconds to find the missing key in my jacket. FML

#21463029
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9044) - you deserved it (16537)

On 08/31/2015 at 4:01pm - misc - by Lockout (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I've been calling my girlfriend by her nickname for so long, I had to reactivate my Facebook account to find her real name. FML

#21463691
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7304) - you deserved it (15106)

On 09/02/2015 at 9:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - India (Tamil Nadu)

Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML

#21463628
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18513) - you deserved it (4799) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/02/2015 at 12:21am - love - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, I dyed my hair purple. I came out of the salon and a little girl walked past and said, "Wow, you look like a mermaid!", to which her mother quickly said, "No she doesn't, she looks like her parents don't love her." FML

#21463092
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23017) - you deserved it (3847)

On 08/31/2015 at 6:50pm - kids - by laurencoc - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I invited an acquaintance over for tea. When he came in, I told him to make himself at home. He took it literally and now half of my pantry is messed up, my boyfriend's chocolate supply is gone, and I'm pretty sure our couch is broken. Thanks. FML

#21463240
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18428) - you deserved it (2810)

On 09/01/2015 at 12:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I had to pull chunks of digested blanket out of my dog's ass because she refuses to listen to me when I tell her not to eat the damn blanket. I can't stop smelling it. FML

Today, I let my 9-year-old daughter use my tablet while I made her dinner. A few minutes later, she let out a blood-curdling scream. Turned out she'd searched for My Little Pony pictures and stumbled upon a drawing of Rainbow Dash giving another pony a blowjob. FML

#21463707
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16256) - you deserved it (2646)

On 09/02/2015 at 11:26am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, at soccer, I repeatedly asked my coach for water as I was feeling light headed. His response every time was, "5 more minutes". Eventually, I got so dehydrated that I passed out. The first thing my coach said when I woke up was, "Why didn't you get some water?" FML

#21463299
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22733) - you deserved it (2001)

On 09/01/2015 at 7:07am - health - by Dehydrated - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I saw my ex for the first time since we broke up. We were on a train next to each other for 6 hours, to a festival where our tents were pitched next to each other. We're here for 5 days. FML

#21462968
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21296) - you deserved it (1915)

On 08/31/2015 at 12:27pm - misc - by NoFunForMe - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

#21462923
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22903) - you deserved it (1723)

On 08/31/2015 at 9:16am - intimacy - by FuckThis (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I put aside my weekend plans to help my aunt with the extermination guy spraying her new house down to prevent cockroaches. After he left, my aunt asked me to go in and turn off the lights because the fumes were very deadly. If I chose not to, she would tell my mom I did nothing all day. FML

#21462982
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20934) - you deserved it (1645)

On 08/31/2015 at 1:17pm - health - by Rakib (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents made me quit a school team that I absolutely loved, because women "aren't supposed to play sports." and were worried that if I stayed on the team, I'd develop a manly physique. FML

#21463369
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23153) - you deserved it (1482)

On 09/01/2015 at 1:02pm - misc - by Anonymous -



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