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June 2016

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Today, I was grabbed and romantically kissed at the crowded carnival. Unfortunately, it was not by my husband but instead it was a complete stranger, in front of my husband and children. Now, my husband will not talk or believe that I didn't know the man, and my children think I'm a cheater. FML

by babyscarface / 06/12/2016 at 11:48am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

by ChopSuey / 06/01/2016 at 12:02am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They finally gave in. After they handed me my diploma, they decided to leave because it was "too boring." I'm currently sitting on the curb of the street waiting for my Uber, while people take pictures of me. FML

by Mexican / 06/18/2016 at 11:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

by nick / 06/26/2016 at 11:44pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house with his family. A kitten walks over to me with an engagement ring tied to its collar and a note that says "Marry Me?" I got super excited, only to find out that it was for his brother's girlfriend of 10 months, not me. We've been together 4 years. FML

by Still No Ring / 06/15/2016 at 5:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, a few weeks after moving back to my home country, I found out my diploma isn't recognized here. The only training provider I can find that can upgrade it to something valid wants another 2 years of my life, 500 hours of work experience and $16,000. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2016 at 12:21pm / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous

Today, I passed a cashier when I came into a store. Later I passed him again as I was leaving, and he asked me if I needed help finding something because I had been in the store for a while. I told him I had been browsing upstairs, but in reality, I had been in the restroom the whole time. FML

by girlsgottagotoo / 06/26/2016 at 4:52pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I woke up to something crawling on my leg. Thinking it might be a spider, I jumped out frantically to check. The good news: it's not a spider. The bad news: it's a bedbug. My apartment was just treated for them. FML

by Elgrin / 06/17/2016 at 2:03pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

by Scammed / 06/05/2016 at 2:26pm / Mexico (Baja California) / Money

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

by Anonymous / 06/22/2016 at 8:36am / Hungary (Budapest) / Health

Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2-month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk when they make a noise. My fridge stated beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, 'It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright.' FML

by Babyhazy / 06/05/2016 at 5:52pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I found a new way to tell if my girlfriend is on her period. If she responds to "Want me to get you anything while I'm at the store?" by screaming "God just fuck off, you cunt!" then bursting into tears, the answer is a definite yes. FML

by sad / 06/17/2016 at 6:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while drilling holes in "No Smoking" signs for my job, I gave myself a minor cut that would appear to most as a papercut. I then had to fill out 3 double-sided pages of paperwork. FML

by AHHH_REPTAR / 06/23/2016 at 12:54am / United States (South Dakota) / Work