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March 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was walking my dog. Suddenly, my insane neighbor who loves dogs a bit too much comes over and asks to pet my dog. I say OK, thinking that if I watch her, she won't do anything. I turn around to make sure no cars are coming and when I turn back, she's trying to steal my dog. FML

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

#21379871
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27617) - you deserved it (3085)

On 03/23/2015 at 12:42am - animals - by birdsterrifyme - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

#21378385
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25239) - you deserved it (3083)

On 03/20/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

#21365639
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29519) - you deserved it (3073)

On 03/01/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by mszoe - United States (California)

Today, I slipped on some ice and wrecked my back. When my husband and I went to go to bed, he begged me to take one of the pain pills left over from his recent surgery. Not so I could feel better and get some rest, but so he could have sex. FML

#21365511
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29976) - you deserved it (3070)

On 02/28/2015 at 9:47pm - intimacy - by k8thagr8 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad turned off our cable. The reason? His favorite character from The Walking Dead died. FML

#21375425
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31682) - you deserved it (3066)

On 03/16/2015 at 12:37am - misc - by jfields2474 - United States (California)

Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML

#21377662
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30145) - you deserved it (3067)

On 03/19/2015 at 9:19am - work - by MyPoorEyes (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom and I made the bad decision to go hiking for some mother-daughter bonding even though we had little experience. My mother tumbled down a mountain named Tumbledown and I couldn't even enjoy the irony because I had to half carry her all the way back to the car. FML

#21375957
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26732) - you deserved it (3065)

On 03/16/2015 at 8:56pm - health - by manderpander21 - United States (New York)

Today, after weeks of oral pain and hundreds of dollars in dentistry fees, we found the culprit: a popcorn kernel that floss was unable to remove. FML

Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

#21381199
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24613) - you deserved it (3035)

On 03/25/2015 at 9:10am - misc - by peele - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, I told my Dad I was an alcoholic and had decided to seek help. His reply, "Don't stop drinking, you are the life of the party, funny and beautiful when you drink." FML

#21371044
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31691) - you deserved it (3032)

On 03/09/2015 at 8:15am - health - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

#21369938
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32506) - you deserved it (3025)

On 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was walking my dog around my neighborhood, when I saw this really cute boy. My dog then saw a squirrel and dragged me through mud. FML

#21373531
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27090) - you deserved it (2980)

On 03/12/2015 at 11:55pm - animals - by psh_idontbite (woman) - United States



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