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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

#21412440
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25907) - you deserved it (2729)

On 05/19/2015 at 7:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

#21407311
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32724) - you deserved it (2709)

On 05/09/2015 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

#21403566
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30158) - you deserved it (2693)

On 05/02/2015 at 8:08pm - work - by Jbheller (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML

#21403055
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31624) - you deserved it (2682)

On 05/01/2015 at 6:57pm - misc - by wtf - United States (Indiana)

Today, at my house party, I caught my boyfriend having sex with my best friend. His excuse? He wanted to be better in bed for me. FML

#21402521
106 comments

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that me switching to "super" sized tampons does not mean I've been having sex with other men with bigger penises, and that my vagina hasn't been "stretched bigger". FML

#21403711
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30668) - you deserved it (2667)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

#21409445
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29742) - you deserved it (2669)

On 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

#21410853
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27646) - you deserved it (2657)

On 05/16/2015 at 5:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

#21406510
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28644) - you deserved it (2628)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:23pm - animals - by MyNameIsNotJeff (man) - United States

Today, my drunken feminazi mother shouted to me at the top of her lungs, "All men are fucking assholes, and your new husband is no different!" during our wedding reception. All he did was ask her how she liked the salmon. FML

#21407591
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29792) - you deserved it (2620)

On 05/10/2015 at 2:00am - misc - by How's the salmon? - United States

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

#21411971
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27164) - you deserved it (2615)

On 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I found out my wife confided in a coworker that she wants to sleep with him, because our marriage is loveless and sexless. News to me. FML

#21410043
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28242) - you deserved it (2609)

On 05/14/2015 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by semokco (man) - United States (Oklahoma)



Caleb Taylor's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #14
  • We're back! Hooray! It's the month of May and time once again to dig around the FML postbag to see what wonders of the English language we can find. Like a sculptor making a statue out of a block of marble,…

Wednesday 20 May 2015

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