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August 2016

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Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2016 at 2:01pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was volunteering at a neighborhood house tutoring a bunch of kids. Everything was going fine until one of them jumped on the table I was at, which broke and hit my knee. I swore in front of all the kids and my volunteer coordinator. FML

by PlsForget / 08/18/2016 at 5:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, the guy I like finally called to ask me to go grab a drink with him. I just moved six hours away. FML

by funnyhowthatwork / 08/17/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my straight, white, Christian stepmother greeted my black friend with, "Hey my n****a". He hasn't talked to me since. FML

by why mom / 08/02/2016 at 7:52pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend asked if car oil could be used as a substitute for lube. I need new friends. FML

Today, I woke up to my husband peeing on the floor. He managed to pee in two open clothes drawers and on the pants I was going to wear to work tomorrow. Before I left earlier he promised he wouldn't get smashed tonight. FML

by PeeEverywhere / 08/11/2016 at 1:48am / Love

Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML

by Singleforever / 08/08/2016 at 8:40am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I saw my new pet fish completely missing the food at the bottom of his tank and sucking up the little rocks instead. My last dog died from eating rocks. I think I'm doomed to have insanely stupid pets. FML

by StupidPets / 08/23/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, after countless nights of no sleep and only some spontaneous naps, I was finally seeing a sleeping doctor to analyze the problem. I missed the appointment because I ended up sleeping through my alarm after not being able to sleep at all last night. FML

by Sleepless / 08/04/2016 at 2:44pm / Health

Today, I went to my first job interview. I didn't think I was doing too badly, until the interviewer said, "Wait a second, you're in high school?" I explained that the guy who'd called me had said that this wouldn't be a problem. I then watched as my interviewer left his desk to "deal" with him. FML

by DeepFriedZombie / 08/08/2016 at 8:18pm / Work

Today, I excitedly told my brother I submitted a short story for a competition for the first time ever. His reply? "Congrats. I guess the first letter of rejection is a special occasion." Gee, thanks for that reality check. FML

by Anonymous / 08/02/2016 at 10:42am / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

by Rowaelin16 / 08/22/2016 at 10:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a job interview. I really needed the job to keep my apartment. As I was being interviewed, the manager looked past me and stared off into space. There goes the job and my apartment. FML

by lulupie / 08/08/2016 at 5:10am / Work