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May 2015

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Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

#21405167
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29400) - you deserved it (3099)

On 05/05/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

#21402984
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27693) - you deserved it (3092)

On 05/01/2015 at 4:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

Today, I overheard my 14-year-old daughter telling her friend that she's saving money to get her hymen surgically removed so her first time won't hurt. FML

#21405071
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29509) - you deserved it (3045)

On 05/05/2015 at 11:31am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

#21412440
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28479) - you deserved it (3049)

On 05/19/2015 at 7:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML

Today, I failed a major exam. It wasn't because I didn't prepare for it, though. I failed because somebody sneezed during it and I said "bless you." Apparently, that's classed as cheating. FML

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

#21409137
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23815) - you deserved it (3016)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got my driver's license. My dad made multiple copies of his insurance cards for me to give to people when I inevitably hit them. Because "Let's face it." FML

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

#21408243
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30393) - you deserved it (3007)

On 05/11/2015 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

#21409757
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26866) - you deserved it (3000)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm - misc - by Muralove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

#21406339
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27676) - you deserved it (2954)

On 05/07/2015 at 5:56pm - misc - by Martine624 - Netherlands

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

#21409745
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26751) - you deserved it (2932)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:41pm - animals - by PrinceOfBritain - United States (Virginia)



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