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March 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my sister and I went to visit my grandma. She looked at my sister and said, "You are just so skinny! You need to eat more cookies!" She then turned to me and said, "You should lay off the cookies!" FML

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

#21381106
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26147) - you deserved it (4136)

On 03/25/2015 at 1:42am - love - by Julie - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I saw a person in my class completing a project that was due two periods later and that they had just started in the bathroom. They got a better grade than me. FML

#21366872
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27886) - you deserved it (4116)

On 03/02/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by Anomaly - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I fell out of a window while trying to close it so no one would fall out. FML

#21366431
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30105) - you deserved it (4098)

On 03/02/2015 at 8:26am - misc - by meeeee! - United States (Delaware)

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayne Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

#21381305
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27946) - you deserved it (4123)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the grocery store with my four-year-old. She has some issues with wetting the bed, so I told her that if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming about "going", she should pinch herself to make sure she's awake. In the produce section, she pinched herself, smiled proudly, and peed. FML

#21374802
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28945) - you deserved it (4083)

On 03/15/2015 at 12:23am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I felt unappreciated. She found it appropriate to sarcastically say, "Oh no, how will I ever be able to open my jars?" FML

#21378617
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28910) - you deserved it (4073)

On 03/20/2015 at 9:32pm - love - by tumbleshay - United States (Oregon)

Today, I ate a wonderful meal, after which I fell asleep on my couch and had a dream that my husband was passionately kissing me. I woke up to realize it was actually my cat licking bits of food out of my teeth. FML

Today, it's been almost 2 months since I moved into my new place, and it's the first time a girl has slept in my bed. I also slept on my new couch for the first time. FML

#21367098
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26575) - you deserved it (3885) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/02/2015 at 9:03pm - love - by Marc (man) - Hong Kong

Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML

#21373551
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28427) - you deserved it (3862)

On 03/13/2015 at 12:19am - health - by numbtongue - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML

#21369958
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30786) - you deserved it (3844)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

#21381329
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28377) - you deserved it (3838)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

#21382528
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17513) - you deserved it (3824)

On 03/27/2015 at 5:19pm - work - by screwedupfuck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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