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June 2016

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Today, my divorced parents have started sending each other photos of both of my bedrooms, to, “compare the shambles and see who wins.“ FML

by Naulwenn / 06/23/2016 at 12:25am / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

by inveralaska / 06/16/2016 at 5:22pm / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, I decided to get back in shape so I went swimming. I only managed 10 lengths and was completely out of breath. I was so embarrassed that when a lifeguard asked me if I was OK, I made up a story about a leg injury as a reason to leave only 15 minutes after I got in. FML

by fat teen / 06/05/2016 at 7:33pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Health

Today, I came home to my wife packing a bag. We had been fighting recently and I understood why she was leaving, but then I noticed she wasn't packing her stuff. She explained that I was the one who was leaving, she was just packing my bag. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2016 at 7:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw the postman approach my house through the window, and my immediate reaction was to drop to the floor in fear. FML

by Trooper / 06/14/2016 at 8:19pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health

Today, I was on a long roadtrip with my son. My son said he has to pee to which I answered he had to wait till I can stop the car. He started counting backwards from 10. I couldn't stop in time. FML

by Carnage23 / 06/05/2016 at 8:38am / Germany (Hessen) / Kids

Today, I got excited because my husband will be away for 5 days, which means I'll be able to deep clean the house. FML

by KiwiMaid / 06/03/2016 at 6:31am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I invited the girl I like out for a meal. She replied, “Sorry, I already have plans”. I asked her what they were. “I don’t know yet, but I’ll think of something.” FML

by jack / 06/15/2016 at 5:56am / France (Corse) / Love

Today, I was trying to get my girlfriend to speak Mandarin. After speaking her first words and taking a break, she posted on Facebook: "I speak ching chong! :D :D :D" FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2016 at 8:37am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2016 at 1:07pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2016 at 6:00am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, at 19 years of age, I finally saw a nude girl in real life. Specifically, my sister. FML

by gross / 06/11/2016 at 3:56am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting my young cousins who are obsessed with Narnia. So to appease them, we checked every closet in the house. We never did find Narnia, but we did find sex toys. Lots of them. FML

by EevieBear / 06/25/2016 at 5:08pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.