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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

#21103637
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33510) - you deserved it (6333)

On 04/03/2014 at 12:36pm - animals - by Cali girl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

#21111270
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38840) - you deserved it (5713)

On 04/12/2014 at 5:01pm - animals - by princess (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

#21107421
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39894) - you deserved it (5702)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

#21114169
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32004) - you deserved it (5534)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm - health - by Nose bleed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

#21108665
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34717) - you deserved it (5480)

On 04/09/2014 at 5:12pm - intimacy - by damn (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while I was waiting for the bus, I was whistling. I saw a cute girl running and I looked at my phone so it didn't seem too awkward. I was still whistling as she passed by so it sounded like I whistled at her. She ran back to slap me. FML

#21113376
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32731) - you deserved it (5479)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:24am - misc - by heycutie - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

#21104962
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36333) - you deserved it (5453)

On 04/05/2014 at 3:14am - intimacy - by armtits and big pits - United States (Florida)

Today, for our 25th anniversary, my husband and I had dinner on a cruise ship, a dinner we had been planning for months. Upon boarding, I realized the expensive dress that I had bought just for the occasion had exactly the same print as the chair covers and the carpet. The cruise lasted 8 hours. FML

#21102655
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37958) - you deserved it (5411)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:13am - misc - by Why (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML

#21113687
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38741) - you deserved it (5361)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the girl I've been dating for two weeks brought up the topic of marriage, then started asking me when we're moving in together. FML

#21102998
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42060) - you deserved it (5341)

On 04/02/2014 at 5:22pm - love - by fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuc (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

#21101191
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36071) - you deserved it (5339)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:05pm - love - by Jaime - United States (New York)

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of pee all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

#21105380
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35969) - you deserved it (5334)

On 04/05/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

#21102656
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37697) - you deserved it (5273)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:16am - kids - by IcyWinter - Canada (Manitoba)



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