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February 2016

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

#21522558
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21021) - you deserved it (1993)

On 02/03/2016 at 9:04pm - kids - by Spooderman (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML

#21521749
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20874) - you deserved it (1917)

On 02/01/2016 at 10:54am - kids - by notsoproudfather - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

#21523192
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17274) - you deserved it (1908)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by myusofwe (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, after years of lonesome birthdays overseas, I am finally able to celebrate the occasion at home. My best friend of 10 years will not be attending because her boyfriend of two months is having his party the same night. FML

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

#21522820
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17868) - you deserved it (1748)

On 02/04/2016 at 5:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I was at the gym. I'm 360 lbs and have finally decided it's time to change that. Some girl and her two bitch friends thought it'd be fun to follow me and belittle me at everything I did. When I mentioned it to the staff, they said that they were just "encouraging" me. FML

#21522018
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26393) - you deserved it (1728)

On 02/02/2016 at 5:17am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML

#21522144
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18806) - you deserved it (1727)

On 02/02/2016 at 3:27pm - misc - by oh, shit...... - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML

#21522618
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19046) - you deserved it (1660)

On 02/03/2016 at 11:47pm - misc - by InDebt (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

#21523193
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17066) - you deserved it (1654)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

#21522996
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17385) - you deserved it (1612)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Sgt_Jackrum (woman) - United Kingdom (Sandwell)

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

#21523215
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16369) - you deserved it (1605)

On 02/05/2016 at 10:11pm - misc - by cuntingbitchofawhore - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

#21522623
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18484) - you deserved it (1518)

On 02/03/2016 at 11:59pm - health - by FueledByFate - United States (Arizona)

Today, my cat shoved his claw up my nose and got it stuck there. FML

#21523143
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16626) - you deserved it (1517)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:51pm - animals - by ReiracsNeve - United States (Florida)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

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FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

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