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June 2016

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Today, a violent attack of diarrhea send me running to the bathroom moments after I put my dinner in the oven. I made it out just in time to enjoy a lovely bowl of coal. FML

Today, my best friend jokingly blocked my number until I apply for a job. She is also supposed to be picking me up from the airport, so now I have no way to contact her to tell her what time. FML

by LaughingFML / 06/01/2016 at 5:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I said no, she started crying so much that her mom came out 5 minutes later and demanded that I give her daughter the dog. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2016 at 10:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML

by ginya / 06/06/2016 at 9:58pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML

by mild banana / 06/16/2016 at 12:55pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, we had a fish fry for Father's Day. I ended up getting a fish bone lodged in my tonsil, and I had to rush to the bathroom to pull it out. I threw up three times in the process and still didn't manage to get the bone out. FML

by dammitRandy / 06/19/2016 at 1:18pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, after spending $850 on having our siding, roof and windows powerwashed, a 5-minute storm blew the siding clear off the house. FML

by caryl101698 / 06/08/2016 at 9:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, while drilling holes in "No Smoking" signs for my job, I gave myself a minor cut that would appear to most as a papercut. I then had to fill out 3 double-sided pages of paperwork. FML

by AHHH_REPTAR / 06/23/2016 at 12:54am / United States (South Dakota) / Work

Today, I was working when my boss left briefly, leaving me with her elderly, senile mother. Not only did I have to chase her when she ran after a stranger on the road, I turned my back for 5 seconds to do my actual job and she walked off. When my boss returned, I had to tell her I lost her mother. FML

by paid to scoop ice cream not nana-sit / 06/16/2016 at 11:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my mom told me to break a leg before performing in my dancing school's show. I really did break part of my leg while performing. FML

by dancingqueef / 06/21/2016 at 10:39pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, a realtor came to take a look at my house. I had worked all morning to make it look lovely. When they took pictures, I explained a number of ways I could change things so everything would look as good as possible. After the house tour, they told me it should be bulldozed. FML

by Ophelia / 06/08/2016 at 12:05am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML

by Toloveornottolove / 06/12/2016 at 12:08pm / Canada / Love

Today, I lost the 5 pounds I had gained over the last few weeks. I had vowed to do whatever it took to lose that weight, and I actually did, when I caught a horrible stomach bug. I'd eat my words, but I'm pretty sure I'd just end up throwing them up. FML

by TPelekakis / 06/08/2016 at 1:01pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health