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May 2015

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Today, I woke up to the sound of my little sister knocking on my door. Today's my birthday, so I thought she'd surprise me with something. Instead, she just asked me, "How's it feel to be a year older and still alone?" I just turned 20. The truth hurts. FML

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

#21414342
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20963) - you deserved it (2532)

On 05/23/2015 at 7:06am - kids - by DENTALITY (woman) - Norway

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

#21406274
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28520) - you deserved it (2500)

On 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by Random737193 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my overly-clean mum decided to drop by and surprise me by cleaning my house while I was out jogging. She used half a bottle of bleach, and now it hurts to blink, let alone breathe. FML

#21410694
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26747) - you deserved it (2487)

On 05/15/2015 at 8:51pm - misc - by pasha - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

#21414664
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20943) - you deserved it (2474)

On 05/23/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by Vlen (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my grandmother yelled at me for driving erratically. I was "driving" in a video game. FML

Today, I found out why my husband has been coming home from work so late. Turns out he loves to help people. Specifically female people. And by help, I mean sleep with. FML

#21403935
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32548) - you deserved it (2454)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by I pick em' good - United States

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

#21415031
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16297) - you deserved it (2388)

On 05/24/2015 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by ugh - United States (Michigan)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

#21414249
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22554) - you deserved it (2397)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found my 15-year-old son sleeping on the couch. I asked why, and he said he'd rented his room out to someone on Craigslist to make extra money, so he was getting used to sleeping in the living room instead. FML

#21406874
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29096) - you deserved it (2360)

On 05/08/2015 at 5:19pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML

#21403286
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28528) - you deserved it (2354)

On 05/02/2015 at 5:59am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

#21410715
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27313) - you deserved it (2352)

On 05/15/2015 at 9:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

#21410748
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31022) - you deserved it (2346)

On 05/15/2015 at 10:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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