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December 2016

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Today, the pizza delivery man and I know more about each other than me and my family ever have. FML

by CheeseLover / 12/01/2016 at 7:44pm / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, my 4-month-old puppy made a break for it as soon as I opened the front door. I had to run after her barefoot, in just my dressing gown. It was raining. I fell over, forgot to break my fall and skidded along the unsurfaced road. She came back on her own while I was was laid on the floor. FML

by ouch / 12/01/2016 at 6:38pm / United Kingdom (North Yorkshire) / Animals

Today, my classic car that I've put hours of wrench time into burst into flames when I tried to start it. FML

by ClutchJunkie / 12/05/2016 at 10:44am / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend told me, with complete confidence, that he's selected "drug dealer" as his career of choice. FML

by drugdealersgf / 12/02/2016 at 1:55am / Love

Today, I finally gave my mum an expensive designer dress I spent months saving to buy for her as she had been very depressed. However she has gained so much weight from stress eating she ripped it when trying to put it on, and now won't talk to me because, "I wanted to make her feel fat". FML

by oreosaretoocool / 12/05/2016 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 months told me he doesn't know how he feels about me because he's not excited when we meet and doesn't miss me when we don't text for a while. He decides to tell me this while we're laying in bed right after having sex for the first time. FML

by Her / 12/05/2016 at 12:01pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I was trying to use the video editing software on my computer for a group project. It then wanted me to purchase another program that cost over $130. One of my teammates told me to buy it, because, "I could afford to skip a few lunches." FML

by santabelly / 12/01/2016 at 11:44pm / Work

Today, I was the DJ for a company party that was supposed to end at 11 p.m. The company ended up wanting music late and my boss made me stay there until they got tired, which ended up being 3 a.m. I start work at my other job at 7 a.m. FML

by sleepy / 12/03/2016 at 4:54am / United States (North Dakota) / Work

Today, after being neutered, my dog has managed to destroy three different "cones of shame", a special (and expensive) inflatable "donut" collar, and two t-shirts used as last resorts. I've essentially spent over $100 to unsuccessfully try keep my dog from licking his crotch. FML

by AnnoyedAggie16 / 12/05/2016 at 4:14am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML

by buttpain / 12/01/2016 at 1:29pm / Kids

Today, I finally found out why all three of my roommates were ignoring me. They like to disinfect everything every time they use it, and I don't. They had a problem with that, so they were hoping that by not talking to me, I'd "notice something was wrong and change." FML

Today, I got an expensive drone for my birthday. My brother got a BB gun and thought it would be hilarious to shoot my drone with it while I was flying it. FML

by KingKralj / 12/04/2016 at 4:49pm / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, during sex, I somehow sneezed hard enough to really hurt my neck and shoulder. But don't worry, writhing in pain doesn't ruin the mood. My boyfriend just kept going. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2016 at 9:53am / Intimacy